fuckfuckfuck

Okay, fuck. Today started out so fucking well, I was so happy throughout it and even though I barely ate anything, I still had tons of energy.

My family wanted to go eat out, so I agreed since I only planned to eat a salad or something small there and be content for the rest of the night. But no, we end up going to a Mexican restaurant and I have more than I wanted to.

Binge:
*1 salad with lettuce, tomatoes, fucking cheddar AND mozzarella cheese, sour cream and olives, with an avocado and mayonaise(I think anyway) dressing. Some salad.

*Nachos with cheese, green and red peppers and olives with red smashed salsa.

*8 or 9 Chunks Ahoy! cookies.

I bussed and ran all the way back home, had the cookies there and puked it up afterward, but still. God. I'm so mad at myself because now, I'm not in a good mood anymore, I'm pissed as shit and sad and KLAHFAGHKGUEBDF I just don't like it.

I'm going to go out in a few minutes to the drug store 'cause I need some more chewing gum and audio CDs. I'm making a mixed one for my mum for Mother's day. Even though it's a little less than a month away, I want to make it special.

Let's hope that she doesn't over react to the songs that I put on it like she does with the radio.

i like your hair

Such a fucking bad throw up. I remember nearly everything I ate during my binge, I just couldn't tell what was what when I puked.

Binge:
*1 bowl of honey nut cheerios with skim milk.

*3 or 4 cereal bars. They're like rice crispie squares, but with every kind of "healthy" cereal there is.

*1 Coffee Crisp bar.

*Like, 10 Stone Wheat crackers with tofu hummus.

*1 apple fritter from 7-11.

*5 marshmallows.

*1 yam tempera roll.

*1 avocado roll.

*1 chocolate chunk cookie from Starbucks.

Fuck, that's a lot. And I don't think I even got everything out. I tasted everything, especially the hummus 'cause I could taste it the most. But shit, I'm not sure if I got everything from everything out. Oh god.

Whoo whoo, one way ticket to my thighs.

my god.

My god. I've gained a few more pounds and now, I'm at 94. Oh god, I haven't been this in... almost six months. I hate it so much. I hate feeling bloated and I hate feeling heavy and uncomfortable and just... ugh.

I had a good day yesterday, met up with two friends that I haven't hung out together with in awhile and it was just great. I ate a BUNCH of shit and I didn't care much about it until I went home. I got most of it out, but what I ate already during the early day was probably digested. What I mostly threw up was easter chocolate anyway.

I just binged right now and I don't know if I got everything out. I've got a bit of a Starbucks low-fat cranberry muffin inside of me, but this was what I ate.

Binge:

*1 low-fat Starbucks cranberry muffin.

*1 cranberry white chocolate shortbread cookie from the cafeteria.

*1 chocolate chip cookie from the cafeteria.

*2 chocolate chip cookies from the vending machine.

*3/4 of a bowl of vegetarian pesto hummus sort of stuff with a bunch of Stone Wheat crackers. I'm not entirely sure if it was hummus or not, but it tasted alright.

*1 sandwich with cucumbers, processed cheese and that pesto stuff.

*1 Coffee Crisp bar.

*2 bites of a cereal rice crispie square.

*1 chocolate dipped waffle cone with vanilla soft serve.

Aaand I think that's about it. Sort of? I'm not sure, but I definitely did not get everything out 'cause that's a lot of food and I didn't even puke out that much. Oh my fucking god, I'm going out for a walk Downtown. Right now.

I'll catch you guys as soon as I get back. Peace.

baby loves to dance in the dark.

So I had a bunch to eat. It's now 8:59pm and I've NEVER and I mean NEVER binged this late before. It's always been either before 6 or a little after, then I throw up.

I did throw up, but god... I've got the worst indigestion ever. During my puking, I kept having to burp more so than usual, which resulted into not all of it coming out. The lasts of that damn apple fritter is stuck. I'm still burping (loudly) and I can taste it.

Binge:

*1 apple fritter from 7-11.

*1 whole bag of Two Bite Brownies.

*1 bowl of rice with tofu, soyasauce and seaweed.

*2 cups of Cookies'n'Cream ice cream.

Oh god. I got nearly everything up except for some of the apple fritter. I really don't like myself right now.

I went shopping today and bought new jeans. They're a size 24, but I have a feeling that they're bigger (or I've shrunk, which I REALLY don't believe) because they don't fit me as well as they should. I dunno, my body image is distorted, so even though I look and feel bigger, the goddamn scale stays the exact same or goes down lower. /: Whatever?

I also got some new shoes. They're Nikes and not exactly what I'd choose first hand, but they were on sale, so I guess that's okay? I can't find a picture of them, nor can I post one because my camera cord is broken, but they're green/yellow and made out of this... silky material. I'm not exactly sure, but they're cool.

Anyway, I hope everyone's doing a lot better than me right now. -_- Cheers.

*edit*

Acid reflux. More of the apple fritter is out now.

locked inside your heart-shaped box.

Okay, so I have news. I think... I want to recover. Shit. Fuck. FUCK. I've been having these thoughts ever since last block. This dude accidentally elbowed me in the boob and I told him, while his friend has this smirky face and goes, "Or lack of."

Fuck him. FUCK HIM. I know I don't have THAT big of a chest, but I've still got some. Fucking ass. I want to gain weight in order to get them bigger, but then I'd be risking the size of my thighs.

I just had a chinese bun and about 1 cup of cheerios. I'm tempted to throw it up.

Help?

-

Besides that, the guy that called me a man earlier (still Steve) keeps flirting with me. It's really strange, because we're always mocking arguments with each other and shit and he compliments how I look, while still asking about my weight. I think he cares....? But he has a really weird way of showing it.