I don't care what I weigh, to be honest, just as long as I look skinny, I'm fine. During the summer of 2009, I weighed in at 94-95 pounds and the gap between my thighs was even bigger than it is now. And what's even better, my thighs still look huge.
I think I'm going to the gym tomorrow morning, if I actually sleep tonight and wake up alright in the morning. I'll probably have some toast or Honey Nut cheerios for breakfast and then head out with my mum.
I'm not afraid of food, I'm afraid of eating because once I do it, there's this voice in my head that says "Well, you've already fucked up, why not finish what you started?" and then I go have a few bowls of ice cream and scrambled egg sandwiches. Then I throw up.
I don't like purging. At all. It makes me sick, it makes me tired, and it makes me really worried about what I'm doing to my body. I don't have the willpower to be anorexic and to be honest, I find some of the anorexia thinspiration to be kind of... disgusting.
Anyway. Just thought I'd share.
Today, menu was...
Breakfast:
*1 Asian rice cake ball with red bean paste on the inside and sesame seeds on the outside. Not sure what it's actually called, but it tasted alright.
Breakfast:
*1 Asian rice cake ball with red bean paste on the inside and sesame seeds on the outside. Not sure what it's actually called, but it tasted alright.
*1 green pear.
*1 cup of black coffee with stevia.
Lunch:
*1 double chocolate muffin.
*1 double chocolate muffin.
*1 chocolate chip muffin.
*1 can diet coke.
Dinner: (This is binge)
*1 bowl of Asian stir fried rice with seaweed.
*1 bowl of Asian stir fried rice with seaweed.
*12 Maria tea biscuits, 4 with Nutella and the rest with reduced-fat peanut butter.
*1 Nutella sandwich.
*Fuck it, I don't even remember the rest, but I puked the lot up.
(And what I actually digested)
*2 packs of gum.
*2 packs of gum.
*1 500ml bottle of water.
That's it for today, folks. I'm still skinny, but I could do better.
hey love, i'm bella and i'm actually fat.
ReplyDeletereally, and truly.
wow, wish i could introduce myself to everyone like that, and get rid of all pretense. it's good fun!
anylark, think i'm a-going to follow, so just dropping a hoot to let you know.
and all the wacky words i used above, i never use those usually.
and i also need to let you know that i was drawn to the name of your blog. it was a good choice, and is very vivid on des senses.
'tis loverly!
i'm in an exclaimation mark-y mood. sorry!
love, bella!
(am madly googling band)
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